Short vents to compensate for my incapability to write full-fledged articles/vents.
Return to Home.
Date format - DD/MM/YYYY
record #11 - 03 - 08 - 2022 - Morning/Noon :
Life's been dificult but I can cope. I was thinking of getting into stock photography and stuff... There's this quote
One penny may seem to be a very insignificant thing, but it is the small seed from which fortunes sring - Orison Swett Marden
I think it's time I start grinding.
record #10 - 02 - 08 - 2022 - Night :
It's been a long time since I visited Neocities... Life has been shitty. And I have no clue where my life's heading towards. My family is kinda bankrupt and I don't know how to help them. Forget about helping them, I can't even cooperate with them.
Anyways, I met some cool people last week. There's this person in my school, Sam, he's an awesome person. Unfortunately, he's taken. Well, I need to focus on my academics and I need to start a side-hustle, like a youtube channel or something. I need some ideas for a side-hustle. I am currently learning 3D modelling using Blender. I should also get into graphic designing.
record #9 - 12 - 07 - 2022 - Evening :
While I was going through Dig Deeper's website, I found something called website called tilde.club. They (Dig Deeper) are hosting a mirror of their (neocities) website on there. Tilde.club looks interesting. Might as well write an article/blog on tilde.club on my other site.
My other site exists because I don't want irl friends/acquintances to know about this site. Also, I like how adding
blockman (on the url of the other site) will lead you to this site...
record #8 - 11 - 07 - 2022 - Night :
It's been 6 days since I have been away from Neocities. I am just too lazy to type things out T_T. I have been feeling lonely these days and I don't feel like playing Genshin. OH YEAH, I started watching anime againe. IT'S BEEN 6-8 MONTHS since I watched any anime. I have been watching clips on other social medias and reading manga.
I started Kaguya Sama: Love is War - Ultra Romantic yesterday. And I completed it today. I will now proceed to read the manga of Love is War. I am currently on chapter 239. There's something new to learn when you watch animes. Honestly, Evangelion has helped me cope with depression and suicide. It helped me a lot. I am thankful for Hideaki Anno, the man behind the existance of the anime adaptation of Evangelion.
I completed the orignal series (including Rebirth and End of Evangelion) in 2020 and I completed the Rebuild series last year. I have been thinking of writing an artivle on Shinji's character development in the Rebuild movies as it's continuous and gradual unlike the sudden character development of Shinji in the original series and the End of Evangelion movie.
record #7 - 05 - 07 - 2022 - Afternoon/Evening :
My parents are going through financial crisis. I don't know how to help them. I wish I could earn some money to help them... The only way way I can think of is earning passive income. You know like those speech/video transcription jobs and stuff.
Anyways, I was thinking making this website into a personal blog website. I have another site https://blockman.neocities.org. If you've viewed the footer while viewing my homepage then you might have encountered this website. I am going to turn that website into a place where I write some tech and anime related blogs... Nevermind, basically everything except for personal stuff will be on that site. This site will be solely used for venting and sharing my personal views on stuff which I don't want my IRL friends to see.
In conclusion, this site will contain things that I don't want my IRL friends to discover. The other site will be open to everyone.
My ex's Discord account got hacked. He fell victim for a social engineered phishing attack (I mean every phishing attack uses social engineering someway or the other). But this one was too good. I almost fell for it. It's kinda like that free Discord Nitro scam... but this one really plays with your mind, especially if the person that got hacked is a good friend of yours. So basically what happened was, I get this text from my ex saying that I did something wrong with a girl and I got exposed in some
#exposed channel in some random discord server. I was blocked by my ex.
Who ever wrote the code and engineered this thing must be a genius. The below screenshot shows what I mean. I am really bad at explaining things.
So that's what happened... I almost fell for it, but I realized my ex's way of texting didn't match they way that message was written. Then I realized. My ex for a phishing attack... Wait is it even a phishing attack. It is a Social Engineering attack tho... Also, I forgot to mention, all my friends who recently texted my ex got this message... My alt didn't revieve the message tho. Probably because he might have deleted his account by then. Now there's no way I can contact him again, he blocked me on almost all social media platforms when we broke up and discord was the only way we could stay in touch. Now his Discord account is gone... reduced to atoms.
I will have to write a blog or an article on this.
It was Franz Kafka's birthday, the day before yesterday, on the 3rd of June. I wanna read his diary entries.
record #6 - 01 - 07 - 2022 - Afternoon :
Technoblade passed away today... This is just sad. Today is the first day of my summer vacations and this news makes me sad. Anyways, my ex texted me again. We have been sending each other anime fanarts...
I just realized I made this website a day before my ex's birthday. But in the homepage I wrote that I started this website on 08th of March 2022. But instead I started this website the day before, which is 07th of March 2022.
I am thinking of playing Genshin again.
record #5 - 29 - 06 - 2022 - Night :
I live in UAE. 2 months vacation during summer. Makes me happy.
record #4 - 28 - 06 - 2022 - Night :
I can't accept my weaknesses. My vulnerabilities piss me off. It makes me depressed. Sometimes I think I am weak and useless. My mind goes into a downward spiral as a result of low self esteem.
It's hard to stand up again and become joyful once I enter a downward spiral.
PMO has desrtoyed my life. It continues to do so, I am not able to stop it. Everytime I open social media, I see some triggering shit. I get so may urges to do the deed. I end up masturbating. I hate post-nut clarity and the post-nut experience. It's just shitty.
I want to improve my life. I am not satisfied with my life. I am not at all focusing on the grind. Instead am focusing on other stuff. Summer vacation is going to start after 2 days. It will last for 2 months. I must use these 2 months to give myself a headstart. I can't compromise. My parents are going through financial difficulties. My dad got fired from his job recently. Life has been difficult.
I hope everything returns to normal as soon as possible.
record #3 - 25 - 06 - 2022 - Morning :
I woke up at 4:30 am today. Got scolded by my parents because I told them the wrong Pāraṇa Muhūrta timing... Oh yes, I forgot to write about Pāraṇa. Pāraṇa Ekadashi is the ritual of breaking the fast on the next day of Ekadashi and it is very important to do it on a specific time. And because of my mistake my parents couldn't eat during the Pāraṇa Muhūrta. Muhūrta (Sanskrit: मुहूर्त) is a Hindu unit of measurement for time along with Nimesh, Kāṣṭhā and Kalā in the Hindu calendar. It is common in Hinduism for people to perform or avoiding doing some rituals depending on the Muhūrta.
Today I need to prepare for my Computer Science test on Monday, and revise some Chemistry notes as well...
Man, how much ever I try to add colour to my life, It turns into monochrome. It's just a continuous cycle. So yesterday, a friend(and a classmate) of mine, let's say "D", wanted to do a zoom call with me. I said ok. While we were talking, he asked me, "Do you have any hangout place in mind? I would like to hangout with you during the summer break" and I was there silent. He then continued asked, "You know like the places you would go for hanging out with friends" and then it hit me. I almost cried that moment, because nobody invites me to hangout or something. I only went out and hanged out in special occasions because they'd invited me or I'd invite them. So yeah, we decided to hangout in a park nearby tomorrow.
I see people meeting every now and then and posting pics on instagram, I'd envy them because I have no such social life that my friends would invite me to hangout now and then. Maybe I am just not fun, or I am just not free enough to go outside my home.An old friend of mine, let's call him "Kosh" for now [Man, I need to make a friends list], invited me to hangout today, but I won't be able to hangout with him because I have to attend an online class today. My life is just sad.
I think I need to make a page for this because I just want to rant about how shit my social life outside of social media is.
record #2 - 24 - 06 - 2022 - Evening :
Today I became M's "bestie". She is a cool girl.
Today, I wasn't able to properly fast for Ekadashi. I broke my fast during noon. Ekadashi happens twice a month for one and a half. Unlike Ramadan fasting, Ekadashi fasting is, in my opinion, very lenient. You can only consume water and fruits. Wheat, Cereals, Rice, and any nervous stimulants(like caffene) are not allowed to be consumed during the fasting duration. Ekadashi fasting also requires you to follow Brahmachariam(celibacy), and it's difficult. Celibacy is difficult for me because I am a horny piece of shit. I broke the fast not by eating food... but instead by j*rking off to stimulating pics of anime girls.
"I am the lowest of the low"
record #1 - 23 - 06 - 2022 - Night :
So my ex texted me exactly after 6 months... Yes, exactly 6 months.
Damn, time sure does fly.
We started dating on July 22 2022. We stopped dating on August 09 2021. They broke up with me(as friends) on December 24th 2021. Today marks the day he left me 6 months ago. I don't think he will talk to me tomorrow...
Thinking about him makes me depressed. A lot of interactions with him went southwards because of me being a dumbass. I wish I could revive our relationship... I don't think it will happen anytime soon, or never...
I still love him(as a friend). I got over the breakup but yes, shit still makes me depressed. I should stop overthinking.
Also, there's this good friend of mine. He has a younger sister, It's been 2-3 years since I have started treatng her like my sister too(Reminds me of a line from a famous Indian pledge "All Indians' are my brothers and sisters"). I used to have a crush on her before though... We study in the same school. We usually don't talk to each other in real life.
Today, I met her on Instagram today and she kinda texted in a weird way(I personally perceive it as something weird; I mean I kinda felt the way she texted as "cute" because girls are usually bland when they send text messages to me. Also, some feelings that I had for her got revived). I mean it was my first time talking to her on Instagram. Either she texts guys the same way she texted me or there's something going on and I am not aware of it lol.
In the future, am going to this girl by the letter "M".